I haven't posted in a while, not because I haven't had anything to share, but I have had too much and not enough time. This post wasn't something I planned on writing, but as I was doing the dishes today I needed to stop and get this off my chest.
For those of you who don't know or forgot, I lost my twin daughters 6 months ago. It feels like everyone forgot.
It does NOT hurt any less now and I am not "over it", and FYI, I will Never be "over it".
It drives me crazy how after such a huge thing, life just goes on. I look around at the people around me working, playing, and living and they just have no idea! The women at the coffee stand who is raving on about how her friend just gave birth, and then she shows me pictures, has no idea she is ripping my heart out. It's all just so hard.
I am struggling, if you hadn't noticed. The shock of losing my daughters has worn off and I am having a hard time. You may not see it when you look at me or talk to me, but I am. I am so angry that God let this happen that I can barely stand it. I want to scream at Him and ask Him why! I have lost my trust in Him. I don't like that, but I have. Everytime I hear of something wonderful He is doing in someone elses life, I get more angry with Him. Pray if you want, but it does me no good. I have come to realize that prayer in my life does not help. I wish it did and i have tried and many people have prayed for me, but its just a waste of time. I am sorry if this offends anyone and i may be saying this all out of anger, but I just needed to say it.
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