Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day

I found this poem and found it to be an appropriate post for today.Its a rough day for me, even though I do have my son here to celebrate with me, I am missing my girls today. Happy Mothers Day!

-- author unknown

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard Him say.

"A Mother has a baby"
This we know is true
"But God can you be a Mother,
When your baby's not with you?"

"Yes, you can," He replied
With confidence in His voice
"I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay."

"I just don't understand this
God I want my baby to be here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,
And then I saw the tear.

"I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child's smile,
With all the other children and say...

'We go to Earth to learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much,
But I visit her every day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow's where I lay

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I'm here.'

"So you see my dear sweet ones,
your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home,
And this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with Me,
Until your lesson's through.
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart
it's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start

Though some on earth may not realize,
you are a Mother.
Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day
and know that you are the best one!"

Friday, May 1, 2009

I am Angry

I haven't posted in a while, not because I haven't had anything to share, but I have had too much and not enough time. This post wasn't something I planned on writing, but as I was doing the dishes today I needed to stop and get this off my chest.

For those of you who don't know or forgot, I lost my twin daughters 6 months ago. It feels like everyone forgot.

It does NOT hurt any less now and I am not "over it", and FYI, I will Never be "over it".

It drives me crazy how after such a huge thing, life just goes on. I look around at the people around me working, playing, and living and they just have no idea! The women at the coffee stand who is raving on about how her friend just gave birth, and then she shows me pictures, has no idea she is ripping my heart out. It's all just so hard.

I am struggling, if you hadn't noticed. The shock of losing my daughters has worn off and I am having a hard time. You may not see it when you look at me or talk to me, but I am. I am so angry that God let this happen that I can barely stand it. I want to scream at Him and ask Him why! I have lost my trust in Him. I don't like that, but I have. Everytime I hear of something wonderful He is doing in someone elses life, I get more angry with Him. Pray if you want, but it does me no good. I have come to realize that prayer in my life does not help. I wish it did and i have tried and many people have prayed for me, but its just a waste of time. I am sorry if this offends anyone and i may be saying this all out of anger, but I just needed to say it.